Just last week I experienced something that I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced.  My tennis team was playing a match, and, despite already winning the match in singles, after our doubles play we all seemed to feel as if we had lost the match. (We ended up winning the match 6-3.) The energy of the team was minimal; there were few smiles to go around, and the entire mood of our postgame chat was similar to one after a loss.  Even when I called my parents to tell them about our game, my mom’s first reaction was along the lines of “oh no, you lost.”

Upon reflection of the match, there were several things that we did well.  In singles, numbers two through six picked up wins, and our number three doubles team also picked up an easy win.  Also, if the wins weren’t enough, several girls executed many of the things we had been focusing on in recent discussions and practices.  They played to their strengths; they dictated the style of play; and they made several adjustments to correct mistakes throughout their matches.  This is why it’s interesting that the entire team was down…with all these positive things, why did we focus on the negative things that occurred?

As I talked through the match with the team and continued to process their play, which I was still doing early this week to be honest, I think that I realized from where these feelings came.  One possibility is that our number one suffered her first loss of the season in singles.  While she lost matches last year, I think the difference now is that everyone just believes she’ll win; after all, she probably works the hardest year-round and hands down has the best all-around game.  When things just didn’t go her way last week and she began to spiral emotionally, I think it affected the rest of the team.  While they were quick to build her back up, they remained in a bit of a shock.  Another possibility is that with the solid command of singles, I wonder if many of the girls just thought they’d do well in doubles.  If this wasn’t the case, could it have been that they knew the pressure was off since they already won the match?

While I cannot say for sure just yet what the reason for our deflated feelings was, I do know one thing… we all learned something from this match.  I know that we learned that we need to take every point seriously, and the team now understands what I mean when I tell them that after they make a mistake they have to learn from it and erase it.  They can neither dwell on it, nor can they allow it to affect them emotionally.  With tennis being such a mental game, they cannot give their opponents this advantage.  This match and their feelings about it afterwards also told me something quite valuable about my team.  These young ladies were not just happy with a win; instead, they not only want to play their best tennis, but see their teammates play their best tennis as well.  So…for this fact alone, I am so thankful.

This match helped me to see that the team gets what we’ve been talking about all season in terms of supporting one another.  It also proved that they want more for themselves, and that I’m not the only one who expects them to come out each day and do their best.  The idea that these girls are determined to not settle for anything less than that is so exciting; it tells me two things – they have been listening and the determination and drive they have is continuing to increase!

So…who knew that a win accompanied with some happiness, but overall deflation, would be such a helpful tool?  Who knew that this match would be the catalyst we needed to wrap up the final match of the regular season with our first sweep?  Maybe you all have experienced this same thing, maybe not.  Please, though, take it from me…it’s not a bad thing.  In fact, I dare say it’s one of the best things I’ve experienced.  It shows the growth, the perspective, and drive of your team.

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As a female coach and former competitive athlete, I find that I myself have struggled with being confident at various points in time.  The sad thing is that I see the same issue with the majority of my student-athletes as well.  I also would wager that many of you out there have had deal with this same issue several times in your career as well.

Why is it that we frequently second-guess ourselves? How come we don’t have 100% confidence in our skills and abilities? These are just two of the questions I ask both myself and my athletes when insecurities come lurking.  It was not until a little while ago when a friend of mine posted a quote on her Facebook page that I really began to understand just why we have these questions and doubts.  This was the quote:

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we’re comparing our behind the scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.”  - Steve Furtik

After reading this quote, I had one of those “aha moments.”  This reason may be exactly why we sometimes don’t think that we measure up to others.  When you really think about it…how can we?  After all, we rarely see what happens behind the scenes in terms of observing what other coaches and athletes do to prepare for competition.  Instead, we compare ourselves to the final product that is put in front of us.  Also, outside of our immediate competition and peers, we don’t always see or hear about how people in bigger schools or professional settings get there.  What we also don’t know is that the people in these positions often feel the exact same way.

To put this in perspective, several members of my tennis team have struggled with their insecurities.  They tighten-up in matches and often don’t play “their game.”  They also think that others are better than them just because they may have been a bit stronger in the past.  Or, they only remember the things their opponents did well instead of looking at the overall picture, which includes considering the number of points won off of unforced errors.  As a result, I spend quite a bit of time working with the girls to build their confidence in their skills.  I also make an effort to celebrate the times when they take charge, recognize their successes, and show confidence in their abilities and game.    I want them to realize that they, too, have a highlight reel as good as, if not better than, their opponents.

Therefore, I encourage you to share this quote with your team; help them to keep things in perspective.  After all…confidence goes a long way, especially in tight matches.  More importantly, as we all know, a confident athlete, and coach for that matter, is hard to beat.  The early jump or handle on the match they are able to secure and/or the ability to get into the heads of their opponents from being confident and keeping insecurities at bay are often keys to success!

Each day at the end of tennis practice, I have one of the girls give a thought of the day.  While I’d love to take the credit for coming up with this idea, I have to give credit to one of the coaches I worked with in college.  Just like it did in college, ending practice this way is great.  This time together allows the team to end on an encouraging note, and it gives them something to think about for the rest of the evening and at practice the next day.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes thus far this season.

1. “The only place that success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vince Lombardi

While the vast majority of us love Vince Lombardi and his quotes, I especially enjoy this one due to the fact that it plainly states that work is necessary.  How many times as coaches have we reminded our athletes that they must put in the extra time and energy to be better than their opponents?   Thankfully, this quote really resonated with my team.  They seemed energized and excited about this quote, and they left looking forward to practice the next day.

2.  “Instead of telling yourself why you can’t, tell yourself why you CAN.” – Unknown

This quote matches my first rule for any team I coach or any class I teach.  I do not let the word “can’t” be a part of their vocabulary if they are around me.  (Unless, they are saying, “I can’t get enough of tennis!”)  I firmly believe that the first step to being a smarter, stronger, and better athlete is to eliminate negativity and self-doubt from your vocabulary.  If you believe in yourself and are confident that you will do well, you will.  Also, in sports such as tennis where the mental aspect is so important, if the girls remember this quote and make it a mantra of theirs – we will surely see success.

3.  “Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is.” – Vince Lombardi

Again, this is another good quote by Coach Lombardi.  This quote is great for my team to keep in mind as we are finally in a true rebuilding year.  For those of us coaches who have experienced seasons such as these, it’s hard to deny the fact that entering into seasons such as these is difficult.  This being said, this quote certainly helps to keep things in perspective.  As coaches we need to remind our athletes that while it’s nice to win, winning isn’t everything.  What is important, however, is to be driven to win in a way that motivates the athlete to work hard in practice, focus on the tasks or situations presented to them, and always give 110%.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these quotes, and I encourage you to have your athletes come up with ones for the rest of your team as well.  And…who knows?  The quotes your athletes find may not only motivate the rest of your team, but they may also indicate to you that they are listening to what you’ve been saying daily in practice.

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Today is the second day of “Wellness Weekend” at our school.  Instead of the usual promotional approach supplemented by an assortment of brochures and posters featuring various health topics, we’ve focused our presentations toward helping our students learn to be more confident and to love themselves as they are. This approach is apparent from a coach’s perspective; confidence builds playing ability and knowing one’s strengths, or limitations, enables better play.

Last night the girls came down to watch movies and just hang out with each other.  Today we’re having a “March into Wellness” fun run/walk, a “Love Yourself” fair comprised of activities that allow the girls to enjoy each other and what makes them unique, a talk by an alumnae about “Loving the Skin You’re In” and “Building a More Confident You,” with the evening ending with an in-house dance party and sing-a-long.

Now, you may be thinking that the only part of the weekend that sounds like a true Wellness Weekend is the talk or the healthy snacks we’re offering at the fair, but I dare to disagree.  In a time when I frequently have my athletes asking for more running or ab work and/or asking for nutrition advice (which often does not just mean when should I eat carbs to provide enough energy for an upcoming match or what is the best time to eat protein to help with recovery), I think this is exactly the type of thing they need.

Teenage girls, especially athletic teenage girls who don’t typically look like the girls in the movies, need to find ways to gain confidence in their own self. They need help realizing just how talented, smart, and beautiful they really are – and I’m not talking about beauty in terms of the latest fashion magazine.  While they may be confident on the field or in the classroom, we need to find ways for them to parlay these same attributes in their everyday life.

After all, what good are we doing as coaches if our athletes don’t take pride in and love themselves? Many of us don’t have athletes who go on, whether in college days or beyond, to continue to compete competitively athletically.  Their competitive spirit has to carry over and embrace a different environment; and it is at this time that confidence in oneself is, perhaps, more important and necessary.  But most importantly, it is urgent that we teach our students to accept the individuality of others just as they accept their own.

It is for these reasons, and many others that our students face regularly, that we need to find ways for them to spend time with each other to celebrate their differences, love their uniqueness, and support one another.  We also need to expose our students to people who, like our speaker, have experienced what they are going through firsthand and are on a successful journey of discovery.

So…I encourage you to find ways to work with your administration to create wellness opportunities that are outside of the traditional realm.  Look for ways to build confidence not only on the court/field, but in life as well.  After all, a healthy athlete in both body and mind is going to be a solid athlete and an asset to your program now and later as a successful alumna.

The location of many of our discussions.

It’s no secret that I love my job and the school where I work.  (If you’ve read any of my past blogs, you have noticed this trend.)  I also love that there are eight women who work in our athletic department as coaches.   While I’m unsure of what is typical at other schools, I dare to say that we’re quite unique.  I also know that we are extremely fortunate to have this wonderful built in community of strong female coaches.

What’s so great is that while we are all different, we are all on the same page.  We expect a great deal of athletes not only as members of our teams, but also as students.  Also, we are focused on developing the young ladies that we coach.  We are determined to help them succeed not only on the court/field/floor, but we also want to ensure that our athletes learn the skills that will make them successful in life.  Additionally, each of us is determined to support one another and our respective teams as much as possible.

This support that we have for one another doesn’t just stop at attending each other’s games/events.  We also spend quite a bit of time sitting around the lunch or dinner table (another perk of boarding school) having informal roundtable talks.  During these talks we discuss our teams, our successes, the areas in which we are struggling, and so much more.  We also spend time talking through various situations in order to help brainstorm ways in which to deal with them.  For instance, our Assistant Director of Riding was having trouble getting some of her riders to “find their competitive spirit,” so she asked our Varsity basketball coach for suggestions.  Our dance teacher also has worked with our volleyball team to find ways to increase their flexibility and body control.  I, as a field hockey coach and athletic trainer, have also gotten in this sharing in ways such as helping our dance teacher to develop alternative plans for classes.  So…as you can see, these sessions not only help to us deal with solutions creatively, but they also help us to learn from others and better ourselves.

Having this group of women is so valuable.  I encourage you to build this kind of community with other women who coach various sports and levels, whether within your school or with other coaches in your area.  Even if you have to establish an online community, it is worth the effort.  After all, an exchange of ideas/strategies only makes us better coaches.  Also, it doesn’t matter if you are the mentor or the recipient of another’s experience, it helps to know that you’re not alone in your struggles and frustrations, and it’s always more fun to celebrate your victories and successes with good friends who know the path it’s taken to get to that point.

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While it may not be the case for everyone, I’m fairly certain that at some point in your coaching career, you have experienced looking ahead at your schedule and felt that your team was on a collision course for an uphill battle.  While hopefully more of these types of games mean that your team is going up against a solid team that will require you to play your absolute best to win, sometimes this is not the case.  Sometimes, games like this mean you just hope to play your best, execute you game plan, and come out with everyone healthy and with a good perspective on the game.

As a coach, when heading into such a game, we spend lots of time working on strategies that will prepare us for the things that they may throw out against us (i.e. presses, up tempo plays, steals and fast breaks, etc.).  I also work to stress the importance of focusing on the things we can control (i.e. how we react to things thrown at us, how we make sure to make good passes/decisions, etc.), and realizing that those things out of our control are exactly that…out of our control.  While it may be hard to tell your athletes that you can win this game when the odds are definitely not in your favor, especially when you’re dealing with younger players whose self-doubt can rear its ugly head in a big way, you cannot give them an inkling of an idea that they may fail.  Instead, communicate with them your expectations as always…you will play hard; you will have a good attitude; you will fight until the last buzzer; and, you will keep your head up at the end of the game despite what it says on the scoreboard.

In these “David and Goliath” or “Cinderella story” type games, it’s important to think of them as just that.  Don’t count the “underdog” out, and don’t give up before you even get started.  Games of this nature show you what you’re made of, are good coaching tools, and they help you and your athletes to become better.  Also, you don’t know what’s going to happen.  As we’ve seen time and time again…anyone can beat anyone, especially when it’s only one game.  Just think about it – no team is perfect, no defense is impenetrable, and no one is confident in their skills and strategies 100% of the time.  Also, it’s not always about winning the game; sometimes winning certain aspects of the game are more important…more telling.  For instance, if you’re playing a team who consistently averages 60 points a game, and you hold them to less than that – way to go!  If you’re playing a team whose full court press is really strong, and you beat it more times than not – excellent!  If the shooting guard or center is the high scoring player game after game, and you take that away and make someone else have to step up – you’ve done your job.  Also, on the other hand, if you play different tempo than the other team and you make them play at your pace – you’ve won!

So…when you’re looking at your schedule and see these kinds of games, I encourage you to be motivated to fight.  These are the types of games that not only are “good character builders,” showing you what you and your team are made of, they are also ones where teams are defined; and, when the outcome is unpredicted, they are the ones where legends are made!

Photo by Robert Ankrom

Since the Australian Open just began this week, I thought it was a good time to talk about Venus Williams.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was fortunate enough to meet Venus when she came to the school where I work back in November.  During the two days she spent on campus with us, we were able to get to know her and understand a bit more about her.  (Let me tell you…she’s a great person!  She’s down to earth, gracious, humble, and caring.)  And yes…I’ll admit, while I respected her before I met her, this respect and admiration has grown greatly.

During her public address on the first night of her visit, Venus talked about “the three Ds.”  (She even admits that she stole these three words from her sister Serena; thereby, giving our students yet another reason to see her as a “person” and not just the superstar athlete that she is.)   According to Venus, discipline, determination, and dedication are three things that you must keep in mind in order to be successful.  Upon the completion of her address, these words remained one of the many things that stood out to me as both an athlete and a coach.

When it comes to being an athlete, discipline is extremely important.  It’s hard to get up early for that morning practice or to get in that extra time in the weight room.  It’s also hard enough to pass up time away with friends, but when it comes to just having some extra time to yourself that’s even harder.  However, as driven athletes, we want to improve, be the best, etc. so we get out of bed, pass up that night out, or hit the gym even though we may not feel like it.  The same thing goes for coaches.  I don’t know about you, but there are times throughout the year when I would love to have an afternoon off; however, I keep on plugging as I love my job and my team even more.  Where discipline differs as a coach though is that you not only have to discipline yourself, but your team as well.  For me, I work hard to instill discipline and accountability in all of my student-athletes.  Without it, I find that success does not come as easily.  Also, it’s been my experience that along with discipline comes team unity.  When a team, coaches included, has discipline, things seem to run much smoother as the much needed trust between one another is there without question.

After discipline, determination is greatly desirable.  As an athlete, without determination where would you be?  You probably would have given up after the first time you fell off the balance beam, struck out, or came in last in a race.  If, however, you are determined, these instances are not deterrents, but are motivators.  The same goes for coaches.  Your team may not get the play you’ve been working on in practice or you may be heading into a game where you know you are totally outmatched; however, determination is what pushes you to find ways to better coach your athletes, to help provide them the tools they need to do the best they can in that upcoming game.  Also, no one said being a coach was easy and that it’s a guaranteed job despite your best efforts.  One only has to turn on ESPN or read the sports page on Black Monday to understand this last statement.  Yet, as a coach, we forge ahead.  Maybe we have short term memories, or maybe we just choose to be naïve?  Regardless of what it is, good coaches are determined.  We are determined to be the best coach, the best role model, and the best supporter of our student-athletes no matter what challenges may lie ahead of us.

Finally, dedication is a must if you want to be successful in the sporting world.  Without dedication, there would be no athletes and no coaches.  As hinted at in the previous paragraphs, who would continue to give up free time to run a bit longer than you have before or spend time in the weight room pushing yourself to lift just a bit heavier than you think your body can take? Who would spend so much time away from their friends and family to study film, create practice plans, and take care of that wonderful smelling dirty laundry?  I’ll tell you who…determined athletes and coaches.  There is a hunger in each of us that pushes us onward and upward.  We want to be the best we can be, to do better each time we step onto the field/court, and help others along the way to be successful.

As you can see, Venus and Serena Williams are onto something here with “the three Ds.”  So…I encourage you to take some time and reflect on what discipline, determination, and dedication mean to you and your program.  I know that Venus and Serena are better because of each of these things; and if it works for them, then there’s a great chance that it will work for you as well!

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As I was waiting for the Fiesta Bowl to start on Thursday night, I ended up watching some of the Karate Kid.  Now, this was by no means the first time I’ve seen this movie – I’ll admit it’s one of my favorites.  I mean, how can you not love this movie?  The wimpy, but confident kid battling the big, bad guys and winning despite all the hardships he faced.  You’ve also got to love the relationship that Daniel and Mr. Miyagi develop.  In fact, I dare to say that Mr. Miyagi possess several of the traits that good coaches want to possess as well.  Now, before you give me that crazy look and click onto something else, just humor me for a minute.

First, Mr. Miyagi is a coach who believes in mastering fundamentals and discipline.  How many times in practices do we teach our athletes skills and drills that start off with the basics?  How many times do we hold them accountable for things such as being on time?  I know that’s what I do, and many of the good coaches who I have had in the past have done as well.  If our athletes can learn responsibility for their actions while also mastering simple skills that build upon each other, before they know it – they are well on their way to mastering the sport they are playing.  While we may not ask our athletes to “paint the fence” or “wax on, wax off,” we do ask them to practice their V-cuts, quick step, go up for a rebound and come down balanced, etc.  Just as Daniel, and our athletes, do not understand why they are doing these simple things, once you point out how they relate to the sport it becomes obvious.

Second, Mr. Miyagi worked on developing the young man that Daniel was, not just the athlete.  This trait is exceptionally important to me.  After all, just as Daniel was not going to “go pro” in karate, my athletes are not going to “go pro” in field hockey, basketball, or tennis.  Therefore, I am intent on helping my athletes learn skills on the field/court that will make them better people.  From good sportsmanship to never giving up to pushing yourself when you think you’ve got nothing left, my athletes work to become not only better athletes, but better people as well.

Third, the bond that Daniel and Mr. Miyagi develop is strong.  In my opinion, this is an extremely important aspect of being a good coach.  The bond between a coach and their athlete is so important.  The athlete needs to trust her coach; after all, we push them, sometimes to a breaking point, and if the athlete does not have faith that it’s worth it you may not get as far with them.  Fortunately, this is one part of coaching that comes easier to us as female coaches.  I personally think that this bond is easier to forge as we can more easily relate to our young females athletes than male coaches; again – when we tell our girls we’ve been there, we literally have been there.  For me, this is especially true as I’ve played on the same fields/courts as my players, and have experienced the same highs and lows that they have encountered.  Additionally, when so much time is spent together, a strong relationship is important.  Strong lines of communication must be there, even when this kind of communication happens without words.  Additionally, without the confidence and faith that a good coach and athlete have in each other neither would be as effective.

Fourth, Mr. Miyagi lives his life in a way that makes him a good role model.  A good coach must do this as well.  Whether they admit it or not, our athletes look up to us.  They look to us to know how to react to various situations on the field/court and in life.  If we fly off the handle, they will learn that this is the acceptable way to react; if we stay calm and deal with what we can, they will learn to handle situations in the same manner.  While this may seem like a burden at times, it’s actually a great privilege.  After all, how lucky are we that we are able make such a difference in our athletes’ lives?  I know that this is one of my favorite parts about being a coach.

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed a flashback into this movie, and thanks for listening to my thoughts on how Mr. Miyagi serves as a good example of a great coach.  So…if you are in need of a good movie to watch with your athletes consider watching this one.  Not only is it a great inspirational movie, it also has some great lessons, and your team and you may just find your theme song as well!

Since we just started our Winter Break yesterday and are in the midst of the holiday season, I was thinking about all the great gifts that I have received or experienced as a coach.  From big things to small, I appreciate every one of them and the lessons they sometimes bring with them.  Here are just a few examples of these gifts…

1.  You know the saying “big things come in small packages”?  Well, just recently I’ve gotten to experience this first hand.  As I mentioned in my last post, this season I’m coaching our JV basketball team.  While many of them are small, they are mighty; they have big personalities; they have a strong work ethic.  We also are a small team – seven in all.  When you consider how only three of them have played basketball before, that may seem daunting; however, as I discussed before, it’s not to these girls.  They think they are ready to tackle anything and everything thrown at them.

As a coach, this team is a big gift.  How many times do we get a team where there are no attitudes, no negativity, and everyone is on the same page from day one?  While many of you may have teams like this, I’ll admit that this is probably my first one.  These girls have made me a better coach in just the handful of weeks we’ve been working together as I want to make sure I teach them all I can and give them everything they are giving me.

2.  I am fortunate to have a great group of fellow coaches that I work with each day.  From riding to runners, each of these coaches is a great resource, sounding board, and listener.  I count my blessings that I work with such a great group of people who have had so many different experiences.  Not only do they help to improve the caliber of our athletic program, they help me to be better myself.  It’s a great environment as we often work together to help each other in knowing the best possible method to reach our athletes, and we listen and advise each other whenever one of us needs to hash through various challenges.  We are also a group to celebrate successes with, which is so important as not everyone will understand how big of a deal it is when your team runs through an offensive set correctly in just the second or third time they ran it.  I hope you are all so lucky to have at least one other coach in your group that does this for you; and, if you do, you understand how this is such a great gift!

3.  After reading Nicole LaVoi’s post on Dec. 19^th, I realize that I have received another great gift – I have never really experienced being treated differently since I am a female coach.  Maybe that’s because our conference is full of female coaches, or maybe it’s due to the fact that the majority of the coaches at our school are female.  Whatever the reason, I count this as a major gift.  In a world where there are still some people who don’t think women are as capable in sports in areas of leadership or support, I am so thankful that is not the case where I work or with the people I coach against.

It also is important since I coach at an all-girls’ school.  As one of our missions is to show girls they can do anything, it is great that there is not an additional barrier in the way.  After all, there are plenty of women who have proven that they are just as good of coaches or administrators as men (i.e. Pat Summitt, Debbie Yow, Lesa France Kennedy, Heidi Ueberroth, Stacey Allaster, and Virginia McCaskey to name a few).  So, why should they be faced with this challenge still despite so many wonderful, talented, and successful women already proving these naysayers wrong?

So…while you’re enjoying your few days of rest and the holiday season I encourage you to take a look back at your year and enjoy your “gifts.”  After all, while coaching isn’t always an easy job and it requires you to give a lot, there are certainly a lot of things we get in return!  Happy Holidays!

Well, we had our first basketball game this week, and I have to say that I’m pretty proud of my team.  For four of my seven girls it was their first basketball game ever (in fact, they’ve only been playing for a couple of weeks), and for two of these four it was their first competitive game ever.

During our last few practices, we began to discuss “What does being successful mean?”  Luckily, these seven girls know that being successful does not mean that they have the most points on the scoreboard at the end of the game.  Instead, they see that being successful is working together, playing good defense, running our plays, and continuing to learn the game.  Each of these discussions resonated with them, and during our postgame chat they didn’t focus on the final score.

This is what is so great about my team!  Not only were they able to discuss what they need to work on (rebounding, defending the inbounds pass, etc.) without being prompted, they were able to quickly identify everything that they did well.  Some of the successes they listed were that they played together as a team, they ran their plays, and they looked to pass down low to our post players.  Also, never once did they seem disappointed with themselves or the number of points they scored.  Instead, they were motivated and ready to return to practice the next day in order to learn more basketball and improve their skills.

As you can tell, I’m pretty excited about what this season is going to hold for us.  Yes, there is still a lot to learn, and while we’re starting from scratch in terms of learning the rules and fundamentals, it will make us all better.  They will become better athletes, and I know that I’ll be a better coach.  So…if you’re in a similar situation – don’t get frustrated, be excited!  Just think how lucky you are that you have athletes who are excited to play, willing to soak up anything you teach them, and understand that being successful does not just come from winning.