From Coach to Parent: How To Get Your Daughter Crossed Off Our List

Yes, that is sarcasm dripping off of that title, but it is a Friday and after a summer full of recruiting, I thought that it would get your attention.

So please, if you are a coach, read along and see if you agree. If you are a parent, keep your eyes going and your mind open, as you may read something that helps your daughter in the recruiting process.

We all have our bad days, we all have times that we get caught up in our own emotions and sometimes the emotions of the game, but it is during those times that we should watch ourselves, bite our tongues, and keep our lips sealed. We do our best as coaches to do so and I hope, as parents.

So, as a coach, I have made my list of things that I have seen parents do that make me want to cross their daughter off of our list.

1)   Blatant disregard for the NCAA rules- I am not saying that parents need to memorize what the NCAA does and doesn’t allow but I am saying that some education should take place. A quick Google search will bring up numerous sites that offers this information. As a coach, it sets me at ease when parents know, understand, and abide by these rules. It tends to keep us coaches out of sticky, awkward, “gray area” situations.

2)   Obscenities and abusive language yelled at referees, your daughter, or your daughters teammates- There may be many reasons for this (as stated above) but it doesn’t need to happen on the sidelines for all other spectators, college recruiters,  parents, players, and coaches to hear. It does make a recruiting coach wonder if those same actions will happen on the sidelines at the college level. Worse than that, it makes some coaches wonder if your daughter will act the same way.

3)   Belittling the decisions of the coach- This too can make a college recruiter wonder if this will happen at the next level and if they are behaviors that your daughter will exhibit as well. Even if your daughter is a star player, team dynamics and cohesion go a long way for most coaching staffs. The coach of your daughter is probably doing the best that they can do for her and for the team. If there is a disagreement, a discussion off the field may be a better decision than letting it out for all to hear.

4)   Stalking on the sidelines- Depending on the timing of the recruiting process and the level of division, there are times that college coaches are and are not allowed to speak to you or your daughter. Education of the NCAA rules will help with this and most of the time, if a coach can and wants to speak with you or your daughter, they will.

5)   Lying in the recruiting process- Coaches want to start out with honesty in the process, and as a parent, you would want the same from that coach. To start out with fibs is not a good way to go. Again, this may backfire greatly and the recruiting process could be ended abruptly. Honesty is the best policy and communicating through any difficult issues or conversations are best, for your daughter and for the future program.

6) Pitting one program against another- The coaching world can be small and many of us are close friends and honest colleagues with each other. We talk. We talk about your daughter, we talk about you as parents. It is best to be careful of trying to use a different program in such a way.

As coaches, we diligently take notes on the sideline, we watch the actions of your daughter, on the field and off. We look for those all stars, those program changers, and we also look for those student athletes who are of character. Our notes are just not of what takes place on the field but of all the information that can be drawn out of the recruiting process.

These are a few examples of the negative aspects that can be seen on the recruiting sidelines or during the process. There are a lot of positives as well. It makes me smile and it is noted when a parent gives encouragement not only to their daughter but to her teammates and her coaches. I take note of how a parent meets their daughter after a hard fought loss and how they celebrate in a courageous win. I observe their interactions with other parents and how they present themselves on the sideline and when they converse with the youth coaches.

When parents are positive, supportive, encouraging, and engaged, it is noted…usually with a star and/or a drawn in smiley face. With the competitiveness of this recruiting process, that positivity surrounding your daughter can go a long way in most coaches books.

Happy Reading!